It is amazing how many times I hear this from strangers, family members and the random lady at the bank when the cheque was taking a while to go through so we ended up chatting, I politely smile everytime I hear it, I nod and mumble some form of pleasantry but in all honesty us special needs Momma’s (and Dadda’s and Auntie’s and all other carers), we have no choice. We don’t get to say, “We don’t want to do it today, it’s too hard”. We don’t get to walk away, we didn’t get to make the choice to stay. Like every other parent we just want what is best for our children.
So we deal with the meltdowns, the bruises and the broken plans. The friendships that melt away from the people that can’t ‘deal with it’, the family members that believe they know best and the arguments that ensue and the relationships that break down because of it. We have no choice but ‘to do it’ because in all reality who else will. Many special needs families do not have endless supplies of back up, we have very few friends, if any as we do not have the time to give to ourselves, let alone others and many do not understand this. Family members do not understand why you are ‘letting your child get away with blue murder’ and are not willing to look after them to give you respite for even an hour, as they ‘don’t know how to handle them’. So we find ourselves alone but for our very small inner circle. We keep our heads down and focused on our children. Most of the time focused not so much on enjoying life, but on surviving it.
The question is not so much, how do we do it? So much as, why do we do it? and the answer is, we were dealt the hand and yes our hand is different to most others, harder, more lonely but the true answer, the real answer is, we have no choice. We do it because we love our children and looking after them and loving them is our job no matter how hard that is (oh and don’t forget our cry in the bathroom when it all gets too much, we owe ourselves that time).
