Back when we first started to have behavioural difficulties with Samantha, I was gifted a book ‘Learning to say no!’, strangely this was never a problem contrary to belief. My biggest problem has always been saying no too much or I guess looking at it another way, rarely saying yes.
I was always worried if I gave my children everything they would never learn for themselves, they would become spoiled and their behaviour problems (before we knew it was autism and adhd) would become worse because of it.
A lot of the beliefs I had on the type of parent I was going to be had to change when my dear children turned up, although believe me it took a while to change, but this has been the hardest one to let go of. I grew up with strict parents (and lots of love) and still have that ideal in my head with parenting. This style of parenting does not work with my autistic children, they rebel against it especially the eldest and it is damaging to them. They need a much more gentle, understanding approach and we are still learning.
I have realised the stuff I am constantly saying no to is the really silly stuff and I’m wording it so I’m not directly saying no, thus making myself feel better but effectively it means the same thing, ‘Not yet honey maybe later’, ‘No we can’t go that way to the shops’, ‘’Let’s not climb trees today babies’. It is stuff that would make very little difference to my day, other than maybe bringing a little more joy to me watching my children grow, and yet I still say no effectively stopping my children from investigating their world, enjoying their surroundings or just from spending some more quality time with me. So I am letting go, as hard as it is and learning to say yes. ‘Yes we can walk this way instead’, ‘Yes I will play that game with you’, ‘Yes let’s jump in that puddle’.
